For the past two days I have been extraordinarily frustrated that I've been stuck working on the same project and seemingly accomplishing nothing. Can't talk about it here -- that confidentiality stuff. I really do not understand why this task has come to me -- not in the cosmic (or karmic) sense -- and in any case I am not going to whine about it. I really do not like whiners, and I try to model the behavior that is consistent with "no whining."
So in the immortal words of those great philosophers, Mick Jaggers and Keith Richards:
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need.
--------
But that takes time to realize that you get what you need. Which brings me to the "by and by" part. We don't hear the phrase "by and by" so much anymore. It seems when I was growing up I recall hearing it somewhat more. Maybe it's because I grew up hearing so many old gospel hymns that had that phrase in it. Elvis Presley sang one ("Well children by and by when the morning comes ... ), and the Carter family sang, "will the circle be unbroken by and by"... and there are others, too. I even remember a joke told at Wurstfest by one of our friends that seemed to go on forever that kept using the phrase "by and by" over and over again. (Thank goodness Danny Wayne is such a good storyteller or the joke could have gotten lost ...)
So this afternoon I was really wanting to push my own agenda and get things down the road toward the direction I thought they should go. Of course, they just were not going that way. I was starting to get ever so slightly less than jazzed about this situation. Then it occurred to me. It's not really up to me to drive this bus, and I really could let go of it all. That's when I remembered the phrase by and by and realized it's going to be okay anyway, because the big picture is what counts.
By and by stands for the overall outcome. It may be further down the road, a lot further down the road before we can see anything in perspective. But one day we do get let in on the secret.
In the meanwhile, we get what we need.
Are we observant enough to see that fact as it is happening though?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Just Singin' Along
My friends Dale and Ellen Jane got me thinking about all of my many groups of friends. A lot of my friends don't know each other because they know me from different eras in my life, or they know me from one setting or area that may not cross over to other areas. For example, my childhood friends don't know the people that I serve with as fellow H.O.'s (no, that's not ho's as in some usage in vogue today) and mediators. While I was musing on this topic of all of my many amazing friends and how very fortunate I am to have them in my life, my mind wandered off to thoughts of music -- and songs about friends.
Sure, there are loads of songs about love. But what about songs in praise of friends? I started making a list of some of my favorite songs about friends and even looked up the lyrics to some. Some are deeply personal, some are lighthearted, and some are downright silly, but they all celebrate the "F" word -- Friendship.
Here are a baker's dozen of my favorites. Feel free to trip over to YouTube and watch a video of someone singing a song that you might not recognize.
1. We're Going To Be Friends - The White Stripes (a little ditty about childhood friends)
2. You've Got a Friend - James Taylor
3. Thank You for Being a Friend - Andrew Gold
4. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel
5. With a Little Help from My Friends - The Beatles
6. In My Life - The Beatles
7. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies
8. You've Got a Friend in Me - Randy Newman
9. I'll Be There for You - Rembrandts
10. That's What Friends Are For - Dionne Warwick (actually by Burt Bacharach & Carole Bayer Sager)
11. (Ya Gotta Have) Friends - Bette Midler
12. I'll Stand by You - The Pretenders
13. Lean on Me - Bill Withers
What's on your list?
And to all my beautiful and wonderful friends out there, I just want to say -- Thank you for being my friend.
Sure, there are loads of songs about love. But what about songs in praise of friends? I started making a list of some of my favorite songs about friends and even looked up the lyrics to some. Some are deeply personal, some are lighthearted, and some are downright silly, but they all celebrate the "F" word -- Friendship.
Here are a baker's dozen of my favorites. Feel free to trip over to YouTube and watch a video of someone singing a song that you might not recognize.
1. We're Going To Be Friends - The White Stripes (a little ditty about childhood friends)
2. You've Got a Friend - James Taylor
3. Thank You for Being a Friend - Andrew Gold
4. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel
5. With a Little Help from My Friends - The Beatles
6. In My Life - The Beatles
7. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies
8. You've Got a Friend in Me - Randy Newman
9. I'll Be There for You - Rembrandts
10. That's What Friends Are For - Dionne Warwick (actually by Burt Bacharach & Carole Bayer Sager)
11. (Ya Gotta Have) Friends - Bette Midler
12. I'll Stand by You - The Pretenders
13. Lean on Me - Bill Withers
What's on your list?
And to all my beautiful and wonderful friends out there, I just want to say -- Thank you for being my friend.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Further Adventures of Dale & Ellen Jane Babcock
Dale & Ellen Jane attended a mini-reunion with a number of their high school friends. They tried to remember if this was the 9th or the 10th year the group has been getting together like this, but somewhere thereabouts. This year the weather cooperated and the beach provided a scenic backdrop to tell stories, reminisce, and catch up with everyone. The group varies a bit from year to year with someone showing up that's never been before (or at least not in many, many years), but generally there are about 25 to 30 people that gather for the weekend.
Dale pulled out the old yearbooks and was startled to see how young the teachers looked back then. He remembered some of them being very old, but now Dale is older than the age that most of them were when he and Ellen Jane were in high school. Dale flipped through to find the picture of the football team -- he was Captain their senior year. (Funny, but he thought he was bigger than that then!)
Ellen Jane sat next to Dale and picked up one of the other yearbooks. She found the pictures from the Class Favorites section. She and Dale had always been voted Most Popular every year in high school. Those hairstyles -- what were they thinking!! As she flipped through the pictures of the faces looking back at her, she thought of all the hopes and dreams. Who would have thought this group would turn out the way it did? They had an opera star, an advertising executive, a few lawyers, a dentist, an air force officer, a successful Nashville musician, too many CPAs to count, and loads of teachers, entrepreneurs and family business owners.
Finally Ellen Jane reached the last page of the yearbook she was studying. Although she performed the ritual every year, for the first time something struck her. This one was inscribed, just as most yearbooks have been signed by friends to the owner. On the very last page this particular yearbook held dedications from Brenda, Debi, and Mary Beth. As she read them the lump in her throat only got larger when she turned the page back to see who had signed right before, only to see Bubba's handwritten words all those years before.
Ellen Jane's friends could see she was a bit shaken and asked what was up. She couldn't answer and only pointed. Darlene slid the book over to read. Immediately her eyes filled with tears. Debi had been her roommate in college. They all attended her funeral three years ago following a horrible car accident. Debi had always been the life of the party, and her spirit still was part of the reunion, even now. Mary Beth had been gone the longest. The doctors had said what happened to her was a one-in-a-million chance, an aneurysm. That was twenty years ago. Ellen Jane had known her since kindergarten. It was five years ago that Bubba died. Leukemia took him, although technically it was an infection because of his weakened immune system following chemotherapy. Brenda had been the most recent loss -- just a few months ago -- also from cancer. She fought valiantly for years.
Ellen Jane looked at Darlene and said, Now you see why we do this each year? All we really have is each other. It's about the connection. So they got Dale and Kathy and LuAnn and Bobby and drank a toast to all of their friends -- present in body or spirit.
Then Darlene read all of Dale and Ellen Jane's letters and cards she had received over the years as they had traveled the country. Debi had especially enjoyed that part every year. Everyone else continued their poker game, storytelling, or whatever else until the group dwindled until the last one said goodnight -- and finally goodbye until next year.
Same place, same weekend in 2012. Love you guys!
Dale pulled out the old yearbooks and was startled to see how young the teachers looked back then. He remembered some of them being very old, but now Dale is older than the age that most of them were when he and Ellen Jane were in high school. Dale flipped through to find the picture of the football team -- he was Captain their senior year. (Funny, but he thought he was bigger than that then!)
Ellen Jane sat next to Dale and picked up one of the other yearbooks. She found the pictures from the Class Favorites section. She and Dale had always been voted Most Popular every year in high school. Those hairstyles -- what were they thinking!! As she flipped through the pictures of the faces looking back at her, she thought of all the hopes and dreams. Who would have thought this group would turn out the way it did? They had an opera star, an advertising executive, a few lawyers, a dentist, an air force officer, a successful Nashville musician, too many CPAs to count, and loads of teachers, entrepreneurs and family business owners.
Finally Ellen Jane reached the last page of the yearbook she was studying. Although she performed the ritual every year, for the first time something struck her. This one was inscribed, just as most yearbooks have been signed by friends to the owner. On the very last page this particular yearbook held dedications from Brenda, Debi, and Mary Beth. As she read them the lump in her throat only got larger when she turned the page back to see who had signed right before, only to see Bubba's handwritten words all those years before.
Ellen Jane's friends could see she was a bit shaken and asked what was up. She couldn't answer and only pointed. Darlene slid the book over to read. Immediately her eyes filled with tears. Debi had been her roommate in college. They all attended her funeral three years ago following a horrible car accident. Debi had always been the life of the party, and her spirit still was part of the reunion, even now. Mary Beth had been gone the longest. The doctors had said what happened to her was a one-in-a-million chance, an aneurysm. That was twenty years ago. Ellen Jane had known her since kindergarten. It was five years ago that Bubba died. Leukemia took him, although technically it was an infection because of his weakened immune system following chemotherapy. Brenda had been the most recent loss -- just a few months ago -- also from cancer. She fought valiantly for years.
Ellen Jane looked at Darlene and said, Now you see why we do this each year? All we really have is each other. It's about the connection. So they got Dale and Kathy and LuAnn and Bobby and drank a toast to all of their friends -- present in body or spirit.
Then Darlene read all of Dale and Ellen Jane's letters and cards she had received over the years as they had traveled the country. Debi had especially enjoyed that part every year. Everyone else continued their poker game, storytelling, or whatever else until the group dwindled until the last one said goodnight -- and finally goodbye until next year.
Same place, same weekend in 2012. Love you guys!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tucson: Guns, Government and Morality
Tomorrow will be ten days since Jared Loughner shot Gabrielle Giffords in front of a Safeway store in Tucson, Arizon. I will not even say allegedly since he was caught red-handed, in the act of reloading his gun to shoot more people. He killed six people and wounded thirteen others, included Congresswoman Giffords, known as Gabby to her friends, and now it seems to all of us as well.
It's been an emotional journey, first with the chaos of the shooting itself, and then with the back and forth accusations in the body politic. The horror seemed to escalate, spiraling upward with the weirdest intensity that made no sense whatsoever. People from the tea party movement shrieking about individual responsibility and talk radio personalities insisting on their first amendment rights, only to have the victim in chief misuse a term with a very particular and painful meaning to Jewish people everywhere.
At the memorial service on Wednesday night President Obama spoke of a more civil and honest discourse, one that can help us face up to the challenges of our nation in a way that would make those being remembered proud.
Now, only days afterward I look on Facebook and see all the same old nonsense though. I see the rhetoric starting to escalate, and I wonder if it will remain civil and honest. I see people just copying statements from others that seem to have little thought behind them, and I question if we will make it. I hope so. I want to believe. I try to be optimistic.
Here is the problem. I know that guns do not kill people, and that it takes a person to pull the trigger. But I also know that some people just should not have access to guns. Never. It does not matter about their Second Amendment rights. It is just the same as some people having lost their right to Liberty, winding up in a penitentiary. If we can figure out how to discern which people belong in the penitentiary for life -- and keep them there -- then why on earth can we not figure out which people should not have a gun because they are mentally unstable?
When I speak of GUN CONTROL, that is one of the things that I mean. Decide how to deal with the people who cannot be trusted because of their mental conditions, and then make sure they do not get their hands on them.
If this means it involves the government, so be it. If it means that gun sellers have to police themselves, do that. If it means there is a financial incentive, make that happen somehow. If it takes a waiting period to perform the background checks, that should not be a problem. If mental health facilities are not getting the records to the right place, then fix that problem. There should be no voluntary aspect or self-reporting to leave it to chance for the patient; that is why mental health facilities report everything. Crazy people simply cannot have access to guns -- ever.
The argument that inevitably surfaces is that people intent on finding a gun will get one anyway, illegally if necessary. This is where morality comes into play for me. I do not believe that "He'll get one anyway" is an excuse to do something immoral. It is not okay to give up or to look away and say "that's just the way things go" that Jared Loughner was able to purchase a gun. To me it is a moral duty to do everything possible to prevent guns from falling into the hands of people that should not have them.
That duty may impose different oblitations. It may require me as a parent to unload my gun and put in somewhere, locked and far away from the reach of children that I know live in my home or will be visiting in my home. It may require me to stop carrying one if my eyesight starts failing and I myself should no longer have one. (A shotgun at home -- well, that's a different story altogether. There's always the baseball bat I keep beside my bed.)
But access to guns by people with mental health issues is only one aspect of the tragedy in Tucson. The other, larger part of this problem is the mental health system in our country. Many years ago we had more people institutionalized, but we moved away from that model to releasing people back into the community. However, the community was supposed to provide support services and treatment to those folks. Anyone who has ever dealt with mental health issues knows the truth of the support system provided by the community. We should be able to call someone and report a person who is acting "crazy" or "scary" such as Jared Loughner.
Given the funding issues of today's world, if we called would anyone answer? So would the Jareds of Tomorrow get any help? Or would the report be provided to the proper authority to prevent him from getting a handgun and stop another Tucson?
My bet is this will be forgotten in the rush to cut budgets. With all the talk about Morality, there will be more emphasis on slashing funds as the "moral" thing to do, rather than properly funding mental health issues and taking care of keeping people safe. In other words Financial Morality will trump Protecting People Morality.
It's been an emotional journey, first with the chaos of the shooting itself, and then with the back and forth accusations in the body politic. The horror seemed to escalate, spiraling upward with the weirdest intensity that made no sense whatsoever. People from the tea party movement shrieking about individual responsibility and talk radio personalities insisting on their first amendment rights, only to have the victim in chief misuse a term with a very particular and painful meaning to Jewish people everywhere.
At the memorial service on Wednesday night President Obama spoke of a more civil and honest discourse, one that can help us face up to the challenges of our nation in a way that would make those being remembered proud.
Now, only days afterward I look on Facebook and see all the same old nonsense though. I see the rhetoric starting to escalate, and I wonder if it will remain civil and honest. I see people just copying statements from others that seem to have little thought behind them, and I question if we will make it. I hope so. I want to believe. I try to be optimistic.
Here is the problem. I know that guns do not kill people, and that it takes a person to pull the trigger. But I also know that some people just should not have access to guns. Never. It does not matter about their Second Amendment rights. It is just the same as some people having lost their right to Liberty, winding up in a penitentiary. If we can figure out how to discern which people belong in the penitentiary for life -- and keep them there -- then why on earth can we not figure out which people should not have a gun because they are mentally unstable?
When I speak of GUN CONTROL, that is one of the things that I mean. Decide how to deal with the people who cannot be trusted because of their mental conditions, and then make sure they do not get their hands on them.
If this means it involves the government, so be it. If it means that gun sellers have to police themselves, do that. If it means there is a financial incentive, make that happen somehow. If it takes a waiting period to perform the background checks, that should not be a problem. If mental health facilities are not getting the records to the right place, then fix that problem. There should be no voluntary aspect or self-reporting to leave it to chance for the patient; that is why mental health facilities report everything. Crazy people simply cannot have access to guns -- ever.
The argument that inevitably surfaces is that people intent on finding a gun will get one anyway, illegally if necessary. This is where morality comes into play for me. I do not believe that "He'll get one anyway" is an excuse to do something immoral. It is not okay to give up or to look away and say "that's just the way things go" that Jared Loughner was able to purchase a gun. To me it is a moral duty to do everything possible to prevent guns from falling into the hands of people that should not have them.
That duty may impose different oblitations. It may require me as a parent to unload my gun and put in somewhere, locked and far away from the reach of children that I know live in my home or will be visiting in my home. It may require me to stop carrying one if my eyesight starts failing and I myself should no longer have one. (A shotgun at home -- well, that's a different story altogether. There's always the baseball bat I keep beside my bed.)
But access to guns by people with mental health issues is only one aspect of the tragedy in Tucson. The other, larger part of this problem is the mental health system in our country. Many years ago we had more people institutionalized, but we moved away from that model to releasing people back into the community. However, the community was supposed to provide support services and treatment to those folks. Anyone who has ever dealt with mental health issues knows the truth of the support system provided by the community. We should be able to call someone and report a person who is acting "crazy" or "scary" such as Jared Loughner.
Given the funding issues of today's world, if we called would anyone answer? So would the Jareds of Tomorrow get any help? Or would the report be provided to the proper authority to prevent him from getting a handgun and stop another Tucson?
My bet is this will be forgotten in the rush to cut budgets. With all the talk about Morality, there will be more emphasis on slashing funds as the "moral" thing to do, rather than properly funding mental health issues and taking care of keeping people safe. In other words Financial Morality will trump Protecting People Morality.
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