For the last thirty years, more or less, I have spent oodles of time (in dog years, several lifetimes) investigating various allegations, hearing allegations about various issues, or mediating various disputes between people. From this collected experience I have condensed some of the lessons I have learned into the following:
1. I don't know everything.
2. Be patient with people who claim to know everything about something, especially if the topic they think they know everything about is a hot-button issue.
3. The wisdom of my dad has been borne out more than once. Keeping an open mind is extraordinarily difficult. He said some people don't want to be confused with the facts because their mind is already made up. There are at least two sides to every story, a fact I have learned over and over. It is easy to jump to a conclusion having heard the first person's version, and very hard to wait before passing judgment until hearing the rest of the story. (Remember Paul Harvey's radio pieces?)
4. Things can look very different depending upon where one sits. The manager with a budget and a CEO to whom she reports has a different perspective than the individual performer who is responsible only for day to day work output, who may never know about the others on the staff that are creating all the other headaches for the manager. Anyone who has ever been to a sporting event of any kind knows the difference between the view from the cheap seats and that of courtside or the fifty-yardline or just behind the dugout, etc.
5. Experience matters. It is one thing to make the call when playing the game, but it is completely different to sit at home -- especially if one has never played the game or never coached or refereed ... or take your pick. This applies in many areas of life. People are quick to complain about schools, the courts, the FBI, public servants of all types -- but how many people outside the education field really know how to measure a good teacher? How many outsiders know what makes a good experienced FBI agent -- or a Treasury Agent?
6. Some people believe their own b.s. They may not be intentionally lying (at least not in their own eyes), but they have told the same story so many times they begin to believe it really did happen that way. You could show them a picture of the same incident and they would accuse you of photoshopping it. For whatever reason the truth is too painful, and the lie is their now their truth. Breaking through will be tough.
7. The really smart people are the ones who admit their faults, tell the truth, and stick to the facts. They stay within their zone of competence and let others do what they have been picked to do. Then they do their job and don't worry about the rest of it.
8. Saying I made a mistake and I'm sorry will go a long way toward fixing things. Maybe not everything, but a lot of things. It will also help one's credibility with almost everyone. Might I add, it is not enough to say, "Mistakes were made." It must be, "I made a mistake."
9. I'm sorry is not enough. "I will fix it" must be added, and preferably, immediately. That can be impossible sometimes though. Unbreaking a heart, for example. So, it may have to be simply, next time I'll do better.
10. Balance is critical, as is deciding when to conclude. In every investigation there comes a time to decide if it is time to conclude, whether it is thorough enough, or if there is a danger of being too rushed and not making good decisions. The same goes for hearings and trials, whether a case has reached the stage that all of the evidence that needs to be admitted is in the record and anything else would be duplicative. In mediation the call is almost simpler, and yet harder. Keep going until there is an agreement (resolution of the dispute), or the mediator has to decide when the parties have reached the point of impasse (it is futile to continue).
This is the conclusion. I am joyful for this day and every day. I live, I love, and I grow. Thus may it ever be.
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