Moccasins

I have been thinking about this post for several weeks now.  My goal with this blog is to focus on gratitude -- musings on life -- and not merely to rant.  I try not to write with a reactionary tone or address controversial topics just to express my opinion.  (You are sensing "but" as the next word?)

I want to start this way:  My guiding principle is love.  Very simple, no frills attached.  I believe love requires that we try to understand our fellow human beings.  Yes, that is impossible at times.  (Try getting inside the head of a 15-year-old boy who refuses to communicate in more than one-word sentences, many of which are "Nothing," and "Fine.)  The good news is all we are supposed to do is try.  Perfection here is not required.

I must express my confusion about the whole reaction to Caitlyn Jenner's coming out.  She is simply one of thousands of transgender people living lives quietly among us every day.  If you are not part of the LGBT community or have friends that are trans, understanding people in this world may be challenging.  I have quite a few people in my world who are trans.  To say they are no different from you and me is not entirely accurate; in the most fundamental way though, they are just like you and me.  Trying to pay the bills, looking for ways to have a meaningful life, and for most, trying to be their authentic selves.

Perhaps my confusion is because I forget how long I have known people who are trans, and how long I have been exposed to the issues of ordinary life for them.  I long ago had to give legal advice for the first time about restrooms, discrimination, health care, and other matters that can deeply affect people's lives.  So for some people, contemplating Caitlyn Jenner is a first-time experience, even though Christine Jorgensen became well-known in the U.S. back in the 1950's before I was even born.

For people like Caitlyn and Christine, this is not about dressing up.  A desire to wear women's clothing, known as transvestism or cross-dressing, is not the same as gender dysphoria, the clinical diagnosis for people whose gender at birth did not match the gender the person feels herself or himself to be or identifies with.  For the diagnosis to be given, a person must have experienced distress or impairment for an extended period of time that resulted in difficulty in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.

Neither is the condition about sexual orientation.  The issue is not about whom they fall in love with or choose to sleep with, but rather whom they see when looking in the mirror.  An oft-repeated adage goes something like this:  The issue is who I go to bed AS, not who I go to bed WITH.

Why is understanding important?  Because only when we understand people and allow them space to live can mental and physical health be available.  One study found that 41% of transgender people had attempted suicide, as compared with only 1.6% of the general population.

I am not an expert on this topic.  I care about my fellow human beings and would like to end the stigma attached with coming out as transgender.  Many people live under the radar quietly.  Some (maybe most) have been discriminated against at work, in housing or public accommodations.  That should stop, in my opinion.

For the guys who cross-dress and enjoy that practice, then go back to being the ordinary men they are -- and approximately 80% are heterosexual -- I say, it is your life, enjoy it.  One of my closest friends growing up had a mother who only wore men's clothes.  I don't know how she identified herself, but nobody in the world thought anything about her western shirts, jeans, and straw cowboy hat.  I knew the person and thought she was wonderful.  She loved her family, did her job well, paid her taxes and was a productive member of society.

Anyone who has the courage to life his or her life authentically, with integrity, is a hero in my book. Maybe not the same kind of hero as my cousin's son, the Marine who died in Afghanistan.

There are probably people who disagree with my perspective. That is fine. I will still love them, too. And I will try to live my life authentically and with integrity, too.

Walking a mile in the moccasins of another person may change one's perspective forever.