Some years ago a new comedian arrived on the scene. Yakov Smirnoff, from Russia, made the phrase "What a Country!" funny. It didn't hurt that he said it with that cute accent. His observations about America -- especially in contrast to the Soviet Union -- were as astute as they were humorous. One of his points emphasized the vast freedom we enjoy in the USA, especially freedom of speech. In one of his routines he talked about Russian comedians having to submit their jokes to the Soviet Department of Jokes before performing their routine. No deviations from the script allowed. In case you want to see a short clip, here is a link to his routine:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GK8ewRec7c
He made me think we have lost our sense of humor in this country, particularly when it comes to our basic freedoms. People seem to be so quick to take offense at almost anything. So many are up in arms that Colin Kaepernick refused to stand for our National Anthem. Well, I refuse to waste my energy on a washed-up prima donna who makes almost $12 million a year, sitting on the bench, ranting about who-knows-what. I do not get the connection between his refusal to stand and whatever his beef might be.
But that does not matter. What matters is that we live in a country where we are free to express our opinions, even when they are inane, disrespectful, and hideous. I think the Westboro Baptist Church, known for its hate speech against LGBT people, Catholics, Muslims, Jews, American soldiers, and politicians, sets a lousy example of Christianity. In this country their members are free to say despicable things to and about people. Here's the interesting part. What they say reflects more about their own character than the recipients of all that hate.
Yes, it is a great country. College students protest guns on their campus with a campaign slogan, "Cocks not Glocks," and they carry a symbol to visibly express themselves. Maybe that is a little inane, but it gets attention. Agree or disagree, but the statement is heard.
Even Donald Trump runs around our great country spouting all sorts of ideas. He is not a fan of the media. But it is our First Amendment that gives him access to all of the attention he so craves. Censorship or intimidation of the media would be a huge mistake (can't you hear his voice in the background -- huuuge!), because freedom of speech goes hand in hand with freedom of the press. If the press cannot freely report what is said, the next step will be limiting what is said. This is a great country precisely because our press is free to report what is going on. Without access to freely disseminated information we would be victims of whatever propaganda those in power would publish.
So regardless of how stupid someone's words or symbolic actions might be, I support their right to freely express him or herself.
Why, we are even free to buy a package of sanitary pads carrying the brand name New Freedom and stick them on our foreheads.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Monday, February 8, 2016
Even the Dog
Quite a few years ago I was ranting about some indignity heaped upon my head by my ex. Just obsessed, angry, hurt. I could not see anything good about him. The person listening to my diatribe suggested an exercise. Instead of focusing on all the negatives, he proposed that I make a list of 100 good things or things I learned from my ex. Radical idea. (This came from my hairdresser, not my therapist. Good hairdressers share many of the same characteristics as good therapists.)
I thought about it for a day or so and decided it couldn't hurt. I took out a legal pad and started the list. The first few came to mind easily. A child, nice lifestyle ....
What took over somewhere around #10 was a changed perspective. Rather than being caught up in my anger (and pride, I'll admit it), I found myself examining not him, but me, looking for remnants of the positive aspects he left behind. The valuable lessons I learned stayed with me.
First, I realized change comes from within. No one changes anyone else. You can yell, threaten, bully, cry, demand -- and none of that ever changes another human being. We all have the capacity for change, and over time, we usually do change. But change simply cannot be forced on anyone, regardless of whether it is a good change or how badly change is needed.
Second, I understood that no one is totally good or totally bad. Even someone with whom I had so much conflict had positive influences on my life along the way. I could focus on the negative qualities or the positive qualities. But dwelling on the negative only affected me. So why bother to stay in that sorry state?
Third, I learned (again) the power of positive thinking. Even the simple exercise of looking for the good in a particular person redirects our thought processes -- and with the redirection, literally a mood shift. Given the choice between "Woe is me" and "Wow, look where I am now," I choose where I am today and see how beautiful life is.
I am happy because I choose to be happy. There is so much in my life that fills me with gratitude. Focusing on those items propels me in a much more positive direction than looking in anger at anyone. No one will change because I demand it. But I can support the good choices made by others and cheer them on as they influence everyone around them.
And life is too short to turn anyone into an enemy -- which is the end result of focusing exclusively on a person's negative side. If we see nothing good about them, animosity toward them is the likely effect.
My mother always told me, "Even an old dog is better to have as a friend than an enemy." Indeed, one never knows when the old dog may end up barking the warning that saves our life.
I thought about it for a day or so and decided it couldn't hurt. I took out a legal pad and started the list. The first few came to mind easily. A child, nice lifestyle ....
What took over somewhere around #10 was a changed perspective. Rather than being caught up in my anger (and pride, I'll admit it), I found myself examining not him, but me, looking for remnants of the positive aspects he left behind. The valuable lessons I learned stayed with me.
First, I realized change comes from within. No one changes anyone else. You can yell, threaten, bully, cry, demand -- and none of that ever changes another human being. We all have the capacity for change, and over time, we usually do change. But change simply cannot be forced on anyone, regardless of whether it is a good change or how badly change is needed.
Second, I understood that no one is totally good or totally bad. Even someone with whom I had so much conflict had positive influences on my life along the way. I could focus on the negative qualities or the positive qualities. But dwelling on the negative only affected me. So why bother to stay in that sorry state?
Third, I learned (again) the power of positive thinking. Even the simple exercise of looking for the good in a particular person redirects our thought processes -- and with the redirection, literally a mood shift. Given the choice between "Woe is me" and "Wow, look where I am now," I choose where I am today and see how beautiful life is.
I am happy because I choose to be happy. There is so much in my life that fills me with gratitude. Focusing on those items propels me in a much more positive direction than looking in anger at anyone. No one will change because I demand it. But I can support the good choices made by others and cheer them on as they influence everyone around them.
And life is too short to turn anyone into an enemy -- which is the end result of focusing exclusively on a person's negative side. If we see nothing good about them, animosity toward them is the likely effect.
My mother always told me, "Even an old dog is better to have as a friend than an enemy." Indeed, one never knows when the old dog may end up barking the warning that saves our life.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
How Long?
"Boy, you're gonna carry that weight a long time, carry that weight a long time."
There are many simple pleasures in life. Eating, sleeping, breathing. Sometimes those simple pleasures desert us. Or maybe, we lose the ability to focus on simple pleasures. Recently I had a nasty case of bronchitis. Simply breathing became impossible. I could not talk or eat anything more than soup. Brushing my teeth was an ordeal because the toothpaste triggered the coughing spasm. I broke down and visited the doctor.
Once I finally got well, I chuckled at the deep truth expressed during one of my meditation sessions. Focusing on inhaling and exhaling, I realized what great pleasure I derived from just breathing. No struggle, just breathe. Enjoying the simple pleasure of breathing. There will come a time when the breath will be gone.
One of my close friends drew his last breath not long ago. His funeral was Saturday. My friend devoted his life to making this world a better place. And he understood better than most the importance of living every day to its fullest. He also understood the power of forgiveness.
If you have ever hurt someone or betrayed them -- so deeply that you did not deserve to be forgiven, and yet that someone forgave you anyway -- you understand the importance of forgiveness. We are all wounded creatures. And we wound people around us, frequently those closest to us.
Why, then, do we hold grudges? Nursing the grudge takes us back to the moment we were hurt and we relive that moment. The longer we hold it, the more deeply rooted it becomes, and the more difficult to extricate. Yet people hold grudges for decades, bitterness and anger harbored and re-visited regularly. We even hold grudges against people who did not hurt us directly, but injured someone that we loved, and we took it as an injury to ourselves. Took it, nursed it to its full-throated, monstrous dragon-like nature that turned both inward and outward.
Unchecked, that anger, hurt, sadness, bitterness, vexation can only destroy. As it grows it takes over one's personality and kills. It kills relationships with people who love us and care deeply. It kills growth, happiness, contentment, and eventually, our ability to see anything good. This breaks my heart, for I see it all too often.
But who among us has not been hurt deeply at some point or other? If you've lived longer than a day or two, chances are someone has lied to you, cheated you, stolen from you, gossiped about you, betrayed you, accused you unjustly, taken advantage of you, cursed you, spat upon you, or worse. Only two choices exist: forgiveness or animosity.
When we choose forgiveness, love wins. When we choose spite, we lose. We lose every moment squandered while the event is replayed in our mind, with the accompanying emotions and feelings becoming more vivid. How can that ever be a good thing?
Instead, why not bestow the gift of love, the give of forgiveness, undeserved by the recipient, but so richly rewarding to all? I understand it is not easy. But it is invaluable.
How long are you gonna carry that weight?
And ... in the end ... the love you take ... is equal to ... the love you make.
There are many simple pleasures in life. Eating, sleeping, breathing. Sometimes those simple pleasures desert us. Or maybe, we lose the ability to focus on simple pleasures. Recently I had a nasty case of bronchitis. Simply breathing became impossible. I could not talk or eat anything more than soup. Brushing my teeth was an ordeal because the toothpaste triggered the coughing spasm. I broke down and visited the doctor.
Once I finally got well, I chuckled at the deep truth expressed during one of my meditation sessions. Focusing on inhaling and exhaling, I realized what great pleasure I derived from just breathing. No struggle, just breathe. Enjoying the simple pleasure of breathing. There will come a time when the breath will be gone.
One of my close friends drew his last breath not long ago. His funeral was Saturday. My friend devoted his life to making this world a better place. And he understood better than most the importance of living every day to its fullest. He also understood the power of forgiveness.
If you have ever hurt someone or betrayed them -- so deeply that you did not deserve to be forgiven, and yet that someone forgave you anyway -- you understand the importance of forgiveness. We are all wounded creatures. And we wound people around us, frequently those closest to us.
Why, then, do we hold grudges? Nursing the grudge takes us back to the moment we were hurt and we relive that moment. The longer we hold it, the more deeply rooted it becomes, and the more difficult to extricate. Yet people hold grudges for decades, bitterness and anger harbored and re-visited regularly. We even hold grudges against people who did not hurt us directly, but injured someone that we loved, and we took it as an injury to ourselves. Took it, nursed it to its full-throated, monstrous dragon-like nature that turned both inward and outward.
Unchecked, that anger, hurt, sadness, bitterness, vexation can only destroy. As it grows it takes over one's personality and kills. It kills relationships with people who love us and care deeply. It kills growth, happiness, contentment, and eventually, our ability to see anything good. This breaks my heart, for I see it all too often.
But who among us has not been hurt deeply at some point or other? If you've lived longer than a day or two, chances are someone has lied to you, cheated you, stolen from you, gossiped about you, betrayed you, accused you unjustly, taken advantage of you, cursed you, spat upon you, or worse. Only two choices exist: forgiveness or animosity.
When we choose forgiveness, love wins. When we choose spite, we lose. We lose every moment squandered while the event is replayed in our mind, with the accompanying emotions and feelings becoming more vivid. How can that ever be a good thing?
Instead, why not bestow the gift of love, the give of forgiveness, undeserved by the recipient, but so richly rewarding to all? I understand it is not easy. But it is invaluable.
How long are you gonna carry that weight?
And ... in the end ... the love you take ... is equal to ... the love you make.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Thinking of You
As I meditated this morning I realized I needed to change the direction of this latest blog posting. Originally I was going to write about a different topic. Now I understand I need to say something completely different. I'm thinking of you, one of the people in my life.
I'm thinking of you, the person who recently lost a husband. Actually, there are two people in my life who lost a husband -- one unexpectedly, the other was somewhat anticipated. The loss remains the same for both people, the loss of longtime love. The love does not die, but the physical presence is gone. I'm thinking of you in this loss.
I'm thinking of you, the person trying to make a very hard decision. Again, there is more than one person in this category. One person is considering a job change. Another person is considering a move. And there are others trying to understand the next chapter as they journey through life, sorting among the options. I'm thinking of you in this decision making process.
I'm thinking of you, the person who is considering whether to end a relationship. Relationships are very hard, regardless of their length. Determining whether to continue in this relationship seems like stepping into the abyss. Yet the decision may not even be yours to make, and that causes another layer of grief and pain. I'm thinking of you as you wrestle with this problem.
I'm thinking of you, the person struggling with illness. Nothing you did caused this condition. You wonder how you will survive. Or if you will survive. Or if this condition will complicate everything else you undertake. The answers are elusive. But we can look for the lessons as we struggle and the blessings that surround us every day. I'm thinking of you in your struggle.
I'm thinking of you, the person whose children test your patience. As a parent you want to guide them into adulthood with a minimum of pain and suffering -- physical and emotional. The children, however, seem to get on our last nerve, push every boundary, and insist on taking the hardest path, doing things their way. Those children, our legacy, merely do what children must. They grow. Growth seldom moves in a straight line, and by definition, leaves behind that which is cast off. I'm thinking of you as you move through each day with these beautiful creatures who have been entrusted to your care.
I'm thinking of you, the person on the edge. Your life seems impossible and hopeless. I want you to find hope and love and security. Whatever the problem, help is available and absolutely nothing is impossible. There are people who love you, even if you cannot see it at the moment. Raise your hand and ask. I'm thinking of you and hope you can find courage.
Sometimes our hearts are full, and we simply lack the power to say what we feel. Or our powers of expression fail us. That is where faith enters. I'm thinking of you -- with love and gratitude.
I'm thinking of you, the person who recently lost a husband. Actually, there are two people in my life who lost a husband -- one unexpectedly, the other was somewhat anticipated. The loss remains the same for both people, the loss of longtime love. The love does not die, but the physical presence is gone. I'm thinking of you in this loss.
I'm thinking of you, the person trying to make a very hard decision. Again, there is more than one person in this category. One person is considering a job change. Another person is considering a move. And there are others trying to understand the next chapter as they journey through life, sorting among the options. I'm thinking of you in this decision making process.
I'm thinking of you, the person who is considering whether to end a relationship. Relationships are very hard, regardless of their length. Determining whether to continue in this relationship seems like stepping into the abyss. Yet the decision may not even be yours to make, and that causes another layer of grief and pain. I'm thinking of you as you wrestle with this problem.
I'm thinking of you, the person struggling with illness. Nothing you did caused this condition. You wonder how you will survive. Or if you will survive. Or if this condition will complicate everything else you undertake. The answers are elusive. But we can look for the lessons as we struggle and the blessings that surround us every day. I'm thinking of you in your struggle.
I'm thinking of you, the person whose children test your patience. As a parent you want to guide them into adulthood with a minimum of pain and suffering -- physical and emotional. The children, however, seem to get on our last nerve, push every boundary, and insist on taking the hardest path, doing things their way. Those children, our legacy, merely do what children must. They grow. Growth seldom moves in a straight line, and by definition, leaves behind that which is cast off. I'm thinking of you as you move through each day with these beautiful creatures who have been entrusted to your care.
I'm thinking of you, the person on the edge. Your life seems impossible and hopeless. I want you to find hope and love and security. Whatever the problem, help is available and absolutely nothing is impossible. There are people who love you, even if you cannot see it at the moment. Raise your hand and ask. I'm thinking of you and hope you can find courage.
Sometimes our hearts are full, and we simply lack the power to say what we feel. Or our powers of expression fail us. That is where faith enters. I'm thinking of you -- with love and gratitude.
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