How Long?

"Boy, you're gonna carry that weight a long time, carry that weight a long time." 

There are many simple pleasures in life. Eating, sleeping, breathing. Sometimes those simple pleasures desert us. Or maybe, we lose the ability to focus on simple pleasures. Recently I had a nasty case of bronchitis. Simply breathing became impossible. I could not talk or eat anything more than soup. Brushing my teeth was an ordeal because the toothpaste triggered the coughing spasm. I broke down and visited the doctor.

Once I finally got well, I chuckled at the deep truth expressed during one of my meditation sessions. Focusing on inhaling and exhaling, I realized what great pleasure I derived from just breathing. No struggle, just breathe. Enjoying the simple pleasure of breathing. There will come a time when the breath will be gone.

One of my close friends drew his last breath not long ago. His funeral was Saturday. My friend devoted his life to making this world a better place. And he understood better than most the importance of living every day to its fullest. He also understood the power of forgiveness.

If you have ever hurt someone or betrayed them -- so deeply that you did not deserve to be forgiven, and yet that someone forgave you anyway -- you understand the importance of forgiveness. We are all wounded creatures. And we wound people around us, frequently those closest to us.

Why, then, do we hold grudges? Nursing the grudge takes us back to the moment we were hurt and we relive that moment. The longer we hold it, the more deeply rooted it becomes, and the more difficult to extricate. Yet people hold grudges for decades, bitterness and anger harbored and re-visited regularly. We even hold grudges against people who did not hurt us directly, but injured someone that we loved, and we took it as an injury to ourselves. Took it, nursed it to its full-throated, monstrous dragon-like nature that turned both inward and outward.

Unchecked, that anger, hurt, sadness, bitterness, vexation can only destroy. As it grows it takes over one's personality and kills. It kills relationships with people who love us and care deeply. It kills growth, happiness, contentment, and eventually, our ability to see anything good. This breaks my heart, for I see it all too often.

But who among us has not been hurt deeply at some point or other? If you've lived longer than a day or two, chances are someone has lied to you, cheated you, stolen from you, gossiped about you, betrayed you, accused you unjustly, taken advantage of you, cursed you, spat upon you, or worse. Only two choices exist:  forgiveness or animosity.

When we choose forgiveness, love wins.  When we choose spite, we lose. We lose every moment squandered while the event is replayed in our mind, with the accompanying emotions and feelings becoming more vivid. How can that ever be a good thing?

Instead, why not bestow the gift of love, the give of forgiveness, undeserved by the recipient, but so richly rewarding to all? I understand it is not easy. But it is invaluable.

How long are you gonna carry that weight?


And ... in the end ... the love you take ... is equal to ... the love you make.

Thinking of You

As I meditated this morning I realized I needed to change the direction of this latest blog posting.  Originally I was going to write about a different topic. Now I understand I need to say something completely different. I'm thinking of you, one of the people in my life.

I'm thinking of you, the person who recently lost a husband. Actually, there are two people in my life who lost a husband -- one unexpectedly, the other was somewhat anticipated. The loss remains the same for both people, the loss of longtime love. The love does not die, but the physical presence is gone. I'm thinking of you in this loss.

I'm thinking of you, the person trying to make a very hard decision. Again, there is more than one person in this category. One person is considering a job change.  Another person is considering a move. And there are others trying to understand the next chapter as they journey through life, sorting among the options. I'm thinking of you in this decision making process.

I'm thinking of you, the person who is considering whether to end a relationship. Relationships are very hard, regardless of their length. Determining whether to continue in this relationship seems like stepping into the abyss.  Yet the decision may not even be yours to make, and that causes another layer of grief and pain.  I'm thinking of you as you wrestle with this problem.

I'm thinking of you, the person struggling with illness. Nothing you did caused this condition. You wonder how you will survive. Or if you will survive. Or if this condition will complicate everything else you undertake. The answers are elusive. But we can look for the lessons as we struggle and the blessings that surround us every day. I'm thinking of you in your struggle.

I'm thinking of you, the person whose children test your patience. As a parent you want to guide them into adulthood with a minimum of pain and suffering -- physical and emotional. The children, however, seem to get on our last nerve, push every boundary, and insist on taking the hardest path, doing things their way. Those children, our legacy, merely do what children must. They grow.  Growth seldom moves in a straight line, and by definition, leaves behind that which is cast off. I'm thinking of you as you move through each day with these beautiful creatures who have been entrusted to your care.

I'm thinking of you, the person on the edge. Your life seems impossible and hopeless. I want you to find hope and love and security. Whatever the problem, help is available and absolutely nothing is impossible. There are people who love you, even if you cannot see it at the moment. Raise your hand and ask. I'm thinking of you and hope you can find courage.

Sometimes our hearts are full, and we simply lack the power to say what we feel.  Or our powers of expression fail us.  That is where faith enters. I'm thinking of you -- with love and gratitude.